Another day lands face-down on the desks of Global Blancmange plc. And yet, this is a day quite unlike any other.
For the office I am pleased to call my own is about to enjoy a new companion.
Here she comes now. I am given to understand her name is Sally Gulliver. She is the new Head of HR. Nigel, the Pachypodium in the next office along, is cynical about HR. ‘HR,’ he says, ‘is something people in organisations do to each other when they think nobody is looking.’ But I know he is wrong. Madagascan palms like Nigel do not give credit to the distinct and unimpeachable value HR can bring to organisations. Madagascan palms are fools.
Sally Gulliver looks nervous. She sits down at her desk. She flicks her hair – this tickles my fronds slightly, and I sneeze operatically down the back of her blouse. She turns round and frowns. ‘Sally Gulliver,’ I growl, waggling my foliage. ‘Welcome. My name is Bingleby.’
She jumps out of her skin. I have yet to construct a way of addressing people, which does not result in them leaping out of their chairs when faced by a talking pot plant.
‘What the flap ..???’
I make calming motions with my leaves. ‘Listen carefully. You have the most difficult job in the entire company. But also the most important. Do not worry: I am here to help you. All I require in return is a daily watering, and the odd medicinal nip of Baby Bio (which, incidentally, is kept in a hipflask behind my pot).’
Sally Gulliver stares. ‘It’s my first day in a huge company. I’m responsible for HR relating to 10,000 people. And already I’m talking to a pot plant…?’
That’s nothing. The FD talks to her hat stand, and hat stands hardly know anything about finance.
I appreciate it may seem unusual having as an executive coach a piece of floral furniture that sounds like a dead Prime Minister
‘Sally Gulliver. I appreciate it may seem unusual having as an executive coach a piece of floral furniture that sounds like a dead Prime Minister. But who could know more about an organisation than a pot plant, strategically placed in that organisation’s executive offices…?’
She didn’t look convinced. But she will be, dear reader.
She will be.
Next week: How to Survive your Induction Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
Made me chuckle but made me think....I guess me talking to my computer makes total sense:-)
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