Yesterday, just before Sally’s first ever management team meeting began, she snuck me into the Board Room. ‘I’ll pop you up here on the window sill, Bingleby. Think I’m going to need some moral support.’
Sally took a seat, looked nervously around the empty room, and visibly gulped. ‘God, I’m on the board. Now what?’
‘Not strictly the board, Sally,’ I pointed out. ‘Merely the management team.’
And at that point the door opened, and they began to file in. Martin Simmonds, CEO, self-consciously not wearing a tie like a non-existent badge of honour. Electronic Bob, Head of IT, glum, the screen-saver of his face completely blank. Nigel Binks, Head of R+D, eyes behind thick spectacles swirling like kaleidoscopes. Felicity Eagen, Executive VP, Marketing, flicking her hair as if ridding herself of other people’s suggestions. Helen Brown, CFO, looking bored by the meeting before it had even started. Agatha Hamm, COO, silver-haired, precise, deceptively twinkle-eyed. Gabriel Silk, Head of Comms, oozing into the room.
For two hours I watched Sally Gulliver watching them, taking it all in, beginning to understand the dynamics of the team before her, and the implications of the strategies it purported to be addressing. Then Martin Simmonds turned to her. ‘So Sally: anything from you about the people? Everything all right?’
‘Well…’
At the mention of ‘people’, Nigel Binks smirked. ‘Remember those consultants who came in to look at our ‘leadership styles’ last year?’
Gabriel guffawed. ‘Yeah! Remember what they said? “We’ve analysed your behaviours, we’ve taken a long hard look at your team dynamics, your organisational culture and your business context, and our conclusion is….”’
‘“ ….that your own products could run the company better than you do."’
The team roared with laughter. 'A dollop of blancmange could manage the company better than we do! Priceless!’
'A dollop of blancmange could manage the company better than we do'
Sally swallowed. ‘But what if they were right?’ Next Friday: Becoming Better at Management than Blancmange
@BinglebyinHR
Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
“God I’m Board” and I fear you always will be unless you invest in better ownership that challenges your mentoring skills.
Sally Gulliver needs to understand that a relationship built on plant welfare is not enough, and that moist compost and mist spray are mere hygiene factors.
Let’s hope you made the right choice and she gets her act together.
Bingleby, would you like a job at our web agency? We could do with a healthy dose of Photosynthesis at the moment. Organic, of course ;-)
Elm Marshall (so grateful when trees take the trouble to comment to participate): I cannot tell you how useful your feedback was when "managing upwards" with Ms Gulliver. Much appreciated.
Ms Cherie: very flattered, good of you to offer. But at the risk of shaking my own foliage, I am about so much more than the photosynthesis. Just last night I managed to hum the whole of the Ring cycle, and my knowledge of French cinema is second to none.
Well, second to no other medium-sized talking plant, anyway.
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