Mission Statement Impossible

‘Why are you bringing that pot plant into my office?’

I glared at Martin Simmonds, Global Blancmange’s CEO. He pretended not to notice.

‘Oh,’ said Sally Gulliver, ‘He’s my personal coach. He often comes to meetings. He won’t be any trouble.’ And with that, she plonked me down on the edge of Martin Simmonds’ desk.

For a moment he stared at her, nonplussed. Then he gave out a kind of laugh, in the same way certain dogs appear to say ‘sausages’ if you listen very hard. ‘I very much enjoy a sense of humour.’

‘There’s so much I don’t know about you,’ Sally remarked, sweetly. ‘Martin, I wanted to see you because I think we need to re-engage our people here at Global Blancmange.’

Martin Simmonds looked aghast. ‘Why, have they all resigned?’

‘No, Martin. Well, not yet. I mean, we have to give them a new energy; give them a purpose for working here.’

‘We are still paying them, aren’t we? Or have we stopped all that now?’

Sally ignored this, I think out of generosity of spirit. ‘I could spend all day quoting top, top organisations who have improved their people engagement, and as a result improved profits. You do want to improve our profits, don’t you, Martin?’

Martin Simmonds put down his Spreadsheets For Collectors. ‘You have my full attention.’

Sally cleared her throat. ‘Listen to this: "Our people vision is to have the best people in the best places doing the best things - and the best thing - for both the organisation, and the societies in which they thrive."’

Martin paused, and thought. ‘Isn’t that asking rather a lot of them? I mean, do they actually have to do the best thing for society too?’

I could see Sally Gulliver mentally juggling between the ethical purpose she was so keen to promote, and the angle she knew would most convince. Finally, pragmatism won out. ‘Well, Martin, say what you like about society, but it includes an awful lot of potential customers…’  
  
Martin Simmonds considered this. ‘Hmmm. Well, do whatever you and your pot plant think best. Just don’t let it get in the way of the business, okay?'

‘That I can guarantee.’ She certainly could – the idea was to transform the business, and at this rate, she’d manage it without its CEO even noticing. 

‘Of course, it’s not really me you have to convince, Sally…’

Sally nodded. And swallowed. It was time to put an hour in the diary of Senior VP, Marketing, Felicity Egan.

It was time for Sally Gulliver to meet with her nemesis.  
 

Next Friday: Santa Claus is for life, not just for Christmas

@BinglebyinHR

  
Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff