‘Now remember what I said,’ I rumbled, ‘Everyone has levers. Use your skill to find Felicity’s. And yank them for all you’re worth.’
Sally Gulliver sighed. ‘She’s not a washing machine, Bingleby.’
‘Who’s not a washing machine?’ asked Felicity Egan, Senior VP, Marketing, shaking her mane of curly hair as she burst into our office.
‘Er, nobody,’ muttered Sally, truthfully enough. ‘Thanks for dropping in. I really need your help with a mission statement I’d like to create for our people.’
‘Sure, I can create something for you. Something that will last. After all, Santa Claus is for life, not just for Christmas.’
Sally Gulliver frowned. ‘No he isn’t, he’s just for Christmas. That’s the whole point of him.’
Felicity smiled. ‘I think you’re being a little too literal, there, aren’t you?’ she said, with the smugness of someone revelling in their own irrelevant convictions.
Sally pressed on. ‘First off, it’s got to be more than a mission, more a, a....’
‘A vision...?’ suggested Felicity, a maniacal gleam in her eye.
‘Exactly! And it’s not about HR, it’s broader than that...’
‘A vision for the people? No: a people vision...’
‘Fantastic, Felicity. Then it needs to say something about the quality of our people, and their being in the right roles, and what they do....’
‘OK. How about: ‘terrific people in terrific jobs, doing terrific things?’
Sally Gulliver winced, politely. ‘Maybe that’s a little too...?’
‘Hmm. Or: the best people in the best jobs doing... the best things?’
Sally beamed. ‘Oh, I like that! And what about the ethical dimension to how we do things? You of all people understand how vital that is for our brand...’ Felicity nodded sombrely. ‘I wondered when you were going to address that. Let’s use that word ‘best’ again. Something about doing the best thing for... everyone?’
‘Bit glib? Perhaps be a little more specific?’
‘Doing our best for society – and for the organisation?’ Sally Gulliver then read back to Felicity the mission statement she’d had in mind all along (having written it the week before), as if Felicity herself had just created it. ‘So we have something like... ‘Our people vision is to have the best people in the best places doing the best things - and the best thing - for both the organisation, and the societies in which they thrive.’ How could I have done it without you?’
Felicity preened with the praise, before squinting shrewdly at Sally. ‘I may have misjudged you. I think you have the potential to become very perceptive. And effective too, considering you’re only in HR.’ And with that, she swept out of our office.
You're effective, too, considering you're only in HR
‘That went well,’ I pronounced gleefully, my leaves shining.
‘I feel manipulative and cheap,’ mourned Sally Gulliver.
‘And if you acted like that with every colleague, you certainly would be,’ I pointed out. ‘But every now and then... well, let’s just say you can’t start new plants without plunging your hands into the soil.’
‘The ends justifies the means?’
‘Chillax, Sally Gulliver,’ I said, proud of the new term I had learnt from a rather garrulous tulip the Tuesday before last. ‘How else could you have dealt with a complete rhododendron like Felicity Egan?’
But I could make no headway. Sally Gulliver’s face remained longer than a dry weekend.
It seemed my advice was not always as perfect as I had imagined.
Next Friday: Cu-cu-cu-cultural change
@BinglebyinHR
Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
Team membership...wow!!! I like what Sally is doing:-)
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