It was another busy day at Global Blancmange plc.
People rushed down corridors and rushed up stairs, they hurtled between meeting rooms and huffed past each other in between meetings.
Things are not so obviously frantic in the world of plants. I looked on with a mixture of sympathy and amusement as Sally Gulliver smacked from desk, to office door, then back to desk again to retrieve an agenda, like a pinball scoring maximum points.
‘Sally,’ called one of her team, ‘Fire Wardens’ meeting’s cancelled.’
Sall Gulliver’s entire body abruptly relaxed like a deckchair just vacated by someone rather large. ‘The Good Lord loves a cancelled meeting,’ she gasped, flumping down behind her desk. ‘Honestly, has this week been sponsored by the Campaign for Even More Meetings?’
‘People like to be busy. Or,’ I corrected sceptically, ‘To be seen to be busy.’
Sally shook her head. ‘I can see all the activity, but where’s the action? Come to that, where’s the thinking?’
‘So what, Sally Gulliver, Head of HR, are you going to do about it?’ She thought for a moment, then came to a decision. ‘It might get me sacked, but...’
She marched next door to her team, muttering something about ‘fire wardens’ and ‘encouraging crowds, wise or unwise’. Moments later I glimpsed her marching past our office, clutching a large megaphone. What the hey was going on?
I glimpsed her marching past our office, clutching a large megaphone
The offices of Global Blancmange are built around a central atrium. All the meeting rooms and offices look down onto this atrium.
And the atrium was where Sally Gulliver appeared, two minutes later, wielding the megaphone. ‘EVERYBODY STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING.’
Having successfully got everyone’s attention, she boomed: ‘IF ANY OF THE COUNTLESS MEETINGS CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE IN THIS BUILDING DO NOT DIRECTLY IMPROVE THIS BUSINESS, I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU CHANGE THE SUBJECT.’ She paused, then for clarity, added: ‘NOW.’
Cheekily, she explained: ‘THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU FROM HR. WE ONLY EXIST TO IMPROVE THE BUSINESS. WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR?’ Before finally adding: ‘HAVE A NICE DAY.’
Perhaps the Campaign for Even More Effectiveness starts here...?
Next Friday: Can I Ask, What is The Right Question?
@BinglebyinHR
Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
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