‘If you don’t mind me asking,’ said Harry Aske, the gently charismatic headhunter who was helping Sally Gulliver find Global Blancmange a new CEO, ‘why are you carrying that pot plant, handsome beast though he is?’ I was beginning to warm to Aske. Never realised he had such a discerning eye. Sally reddened. ‘Well, he doesn’t get out much…’ We were in an obscure, discreet office, about to meet Robin Mayhew, the first candidate. A knock on the door and in he came: tall, urbane and faintly grizzled at the edges. He shook Sally and Harry’s hands with unrelenting force before inviting them both, irrelevantly, to sit down. ‘So,’ he began, ‘Tell me why you want me.’ Sally gave a startled hiccup. ‘Well, we’re not entirely sure we do, yet…’ Mayhew made a steeple of his fingers, often a sign of fake piety. ‘I talked to Geoffrey. Place sounds a hell of a mess. Reminds me of Runny Ices, where I worked back in the 90s.’ Harry bravely tried to take control of the situation. ‘Tell us about your experiences of turnaround situations.’ Mayhew’s eyes glinted with a tiresome kind of nostalgia. ‘You name it, I’ve turned it around. I remember when I was CFO at Crunchy Cakes plc…’ We then endured almost two hours of anecdotes, very few of which seemed to bear any relevance to the role, or even the questions asked. Halfway through I was longing for my window-sill. If this is the price you humans pay for mobility, you can keep it. Finally Sally drew the conversation to a close. Mayhew stood, barked ‘I look forward to hearing from you,’ crushed their hands again and left. Harry puffed out his cheeks. ‘Well, that was an experience. Could you work for him…?’ ‘Never mind me, I’m not sure anyone could.’ Sally screwed her eyes up in a bid to be as fair as possible. ‘I suppose, trying to see some positives, he has a certain non-nonsense style about him…’ ‘Remember,’ said Harry Aske gnomically, ‘There’s only the smallest of margins between ‘no nonsense’ and no sense.’ Sally chuckled. ‘Let’s see what next week brings…’ Next Friday: Meet Mark Temple @BinglebyinHR Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
‘If you don’t mind me asking,’ said Harry Aske, the gently charismatic headhunter who was helping Sally Gulliver find Global Blancmange a new CEO, ‘why are you carrying that pot plant, handsome beast though he is?’
I was beginning to warm to Aske. Never realised he had such a discerning eye.
Sally reddened. ‘Well, he doesn’t get out much…’
We were in an obscure, discreet office, about to meet Robin Mayhew, the first candidate. A knock on the door and in he came: tall, urbane and faintly grizzled at the edges. He shook Sally and Harry’s hands with unrelenting force before inviting them both, irrelevantly, to sit down. ‘So,’ he began, ‘Tell me why you want me.’
Sally gave a startled hiccup. ‘Well, we’re not entirely sure we do, yet…’
Mayhew made a steeple of his fingers, often a sign of fake piety. ‘I talked to Geoffrey. Place sounds a hell of a mess. Reminds me of Runny Ices, where I worked back in the 90s.’
Harry bravely tried to take control of the situation. ‘Tell us about your experiences of turnaround situations.’
Mayhew’s eyes glinted with a tiresome kind of nostalgia. ‘You name it, I’ve turned it around. I remember when I was CFO at Crunchy Cakes plc…’ We then endured almost two hours of anecdotes, very few of which seemed to bear any relevance to the role, or even the questions asked. Halfway through I was longing for my window-sill. If this is the price you humans pay for mobility, you can keep it.
Finally Sally drew the conversation to a close. Mayhew stood, barked ‘I look forward to hearing from you,’ crushed their hands again and left. Harry puffed out his cheeks. ‘Well, that was an experience. Could you work for him…?’
‘Never mind me, I’m not sure anyone could.’ Sally screwed her eyes up in a bid to be as fair as possible. ‘I suppose, trying to see some positives, he has a certain non-nonsense style about him…’
‘Remember,’ said Harry Aske gnomically, ‘There’s only the smallest of margins between ‘no nonsense’ and no sense.’
Sally chuckled. ‘Let’s see what next week brings…’
Next Friday: Meet Mark Temple
@BinglebyinHR
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