The towering pink gates of the Global Blancmange factory were firmly closed. Rust had withered them. Inside the factory, the great vats where lakes of blancmange formerly simmered and bubbled were quite silent.
Walking down the eerily quiet corridors, past blanched copies of long-forgotten marketing campaigns, Sally Gulliver came finally to her own office. The sign on the door saying ‘HR Director’ was lolling at an undignified angle.
The door creaked as Sally pushed against it. Inside, bacteria-infested annual leave policies and half-baked reward strategies were littered on the faded carpet.
‘You took your time,’ I said, sounding parched. Around me lay empty bottles of Baby Bio: I had clearly developed a drinking habit. ‘Hic,’ I added.
‘Bingleby,’ said Sally Gulliver, aghast. ‘Has it come to this? Has everything here finally fallen apart?’
‘It fell apart long ago’, I croaked. ‘The name "Global Blancmange" is only ever heard now on nostalgia TV. It’s all over, Sally. The last helicopter has gone from Saigon. The final blancmange has wobbled its final wobble. Get out while you still can…’
Sally awoke in a cold sweat. On her bedside table were the company’s latest market share figures - which were the real nightmare.
She turned to the sleeping figure of charismatic headhunter Harry Aske next to her. ‘We’ve got to do something’, she said. Peering more closely, Sally realised the sleeping figure of charismatic headhunter Harry Aske was in fact her pillow.
‘Hell’s teeth,’ she wailed. ‘That was only a dream too….’
In two weeks’ time: Blancmange: A Reason for Living
Bingleby was confiding in Richard Goff
That's a nasty dream... Poor Sally needs to relax before going to sleep, might I recommend a nice lavender bubble bath and avoiding cheese after 18:00?!
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