Apprentice 5 Episode 4: Saved by the Spray tan: Beauty and the Bottom Line

When Lord Sugar set up this task he was testing whether the contestants knew how to make money. He knows, as economists do, that people pay over the odds for “experience purchases” like facials, body wraps, and for nice little gee jaws that help make them feel nice. That leads to high margin and profit, when coupled with low start up costs. Look at Eastenders and Tanya’s salon and Corrie and Audrey’s salon, which grubby little David and his gold digging fiancé can’t wait to get their mitts on.  It's why there are so many nail bars and tanning salons around. Indeed in my own home city of Glasgow the census people are thinking of introducing a new category called 'white orange' to reflect the popularity of tanning there.  In Glasgow parlance, “taking a tanning” is taking a severe beating, and that’s what happened to team logic. Despite the brilliant almost comically logical analysis of Thomas' the brain' Pellereau, Felicity the flapping creative PM ignored him.

They chose a pitch that was limited in capacity and required a route march to get to. But Felicity made a decision in that blinkered way that bad decision makers do, closing down the debate. Poor Thomas the man of steely logic persisted but was overruled like a bright math whiz in a primary class lest he embarrass teacher. I’ll be reflecting after this series in a blog on lessons from the series, but surely one of the biggest ones is that people seem not to know how to position themselves as a manager. Should you be a madly focused martinet like Edna, or a hands- off bromanager like Jim? No, you should be supportive and challenging like Stella in the last series, and leave your ego at the door. Team Logic’s lack of vigour in the bid for the spray tan franchise meant that Venture walked away with it and hid Susan’s blushes.    Lots of basic mistakes are made by contestants but the most recurring one is a lack of enthusiasm or a feigned indifference to possible suppliers. The PM in Team Venture, Zoe, a project manager in the food industry, didn’t shine and didn’t really make that many decisions from what we saw. She did though come across as a passive aggressive bully when she had a go at Susan, setting her up for a fall if Venture were vanquished. Susan seems to be the whipping girl for all.
 
Anyway, the outcome was that Team Logic lost severely. It was equivalent to losing money from an ice cream van in a park with a monopoly in a heat-wave.  Team Venture just escaped because they had the tanning turnover. The estimable Ellie acquitted herself well when brought into the boardroom with no impact Natasha. Thomas was saved despite losing because he knew the numbers. Lessons there for everyone.  Felicity was fired, though Natasha could be next with her Julie Walters drone and annoying habit of saying “we don’t seem to have a strategy", as though the statement in and of itself is the acme of business impact and effectiveness.  I didn’t see her do much. I also saw  Melody adopt a lower profile than a stealth bomber, and Edna has been the epitome of restraint. But beware both of you: Lord Sugar doesn’t want a silent  partner, and sooner or later you will have to be sparking off each other. What fun to come!
Laughed at:
• Leon 'I have a girlfriend so don’t expect me to spray tan a man' paranoia. Also his curious pinkie pulling action.
• Genial Jim with his 'two hands are better' routine all added to our fun and astonishment. 
• Vincent Van Dame showed his metro sexual side with the ladeeyz swooning in laughter at his laboured chat up lines as he attempted to flog products.

Less happy at:
• Thomas being ignored because he isn’t a pushy know nothing and he actually analyses stuff
• Nick Hewers’ “The cheese has gone off” face. Panto agent for Nick please.
• Zoe’s depressed Dalek voice
Not sure about:
• Ellie's refusal to join in the girlie fun because she’s right Northern and works in construction.
• Edna’s sales grimace -  a sight to avoid.