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John McGurk's blog

Apprentice 2012 - Episode 9: Poor quality fizz and not enough sparkle knocks cheesy Jenna off the throne

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This was a marketing and pitching task and the teams were tweaked to tackle the task of putting the fizz into English wine. The brief was market undersold English sparling wine against Champagne's monopoly in fizz.

Bieberboy Nick was recruited into Phoenix with Tom and Adam with only Jade getting in the way of full on Bro-management. Tom is of course a wine expert and Mick a webspert, so Wricky the Wrester pitched it as a David v Goliath saying almost my team is rubbish except me of course.

Tom sailed close to his arrogant strength as a smart *** but it was an unwitting masterstroke to have Adam accompany him on his viticulture odyssey. Adam is a pretension pricker rather than a pretentious ...***. When he tells people about wine as with art he doesn't make them feel small. "The vanilla of the oaked casks" was as far as he got.

Adam focused on it tasting of apples.  No "I am getting dark tan shoe polish and raspberry ice cream". Message to TV hire Adam as a wine expert as most of them are tedious toffs. Speaking of which Nick who did show his strength and his mettle web designing. With his mop top and posh confident voice just listen he is the lost lovechild of a certain Mayor. Jenna's Lancashire twang is altogether different though almost compulsory these days on the BBC.

She went for the most crushingly pointless advert a Beckhamesque wedding theme complete with throne. The other team with Adam as clink choreographer went for a dull dinner party theme full of photo fit hoxtonistas. No creative energy or thought was expended on the ads. Wricky urged quality cubed but didn't actually get involved.

Stephen the oily *** came up with the French name Grandeur which was better than "cert" or "***". The latter certainly would not go down well in the world's biggest luxury market. Gabby did design a nice logo and the website was ok. Tom's team built a great website but which did not follow the brief. Tom went for a neat ESW logo though they might as well have called it Clint as it had no name.

Anyway the audience of wine expert's judged that Jenna's advert was as flat as leftover babycham. Stephen could equally have walked and Sugar called him out. He will lead and if he doesn't win he'll be fired. Overall my money is still on Tom though Gabby came up off the rails.

Performer
Gabby is creative standout; big agencies will be looking.

Plodder
All of them except Gabby

Please Stop!
Adams choreography but I see a brill programme pitch where Adams Dance Moves

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