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What’s the point of HR?

05 November 2012 at 16:37

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Tags: HR

It was a typical Tuesday in the offices of corporate giant Global Blancmange. I sat in my usual place on a shelf in the office of Head of HR Sally Gulliver, watching her tap frantically away at her keyboard as if possessed by the uncompromising spirit...

Tell Me Why We’re Here Again?

29 October 2012 at 18:01

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‘I’m resigning.’ Sally Gulliver shot bolt upright, in her surprise showering constellations of custard cream crumbs over her desk, where they formed a succession of small unnecessary galaxies. ‘You’re doing what…?’...

You Can’t Trust People To Do Their Jobs – That’s Not What They’re Here For

31 August 2012 at 17:35

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In the atrium below I could see the sly smile of Comms Director Gabriel Silk sidling up to Sally Gulliver as she nibbled through her lunch. His tray landed next to hers with a provocative slap. ‘So,’ he said, ‘I hear you’ve made...

Don't We Have a Policy For That?

17 August 2012 at 15:21

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‘Did you know we have a policy on shaving?’ Will, Sally Gulliver’s Deputy, blinked. ‘Shaving what?’ Sally pulled a five-page document from a large filing cabinet. ‘Shaving anything.’ She rifled through it. ‘What...

Blancmange: A Reason for Living

13 July 2012 at 18:13

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If there is one thing I don’t understand about you humans (and at last count, there are probably several hundred), it’s meetings. Granted, the life of a pot plant on a shelf in an office is inevitably a solitary one. So perhaps I am fated...

What if the future isn’t blancmange-shaped?

18 June 2012 at 17:34

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The towering pink gates of the Global Blancmange factory were firmly closed. Rust had withered them. Inside the factory, the great vats where lakes of blancmange formerly simmered and bubbled were quite silent. Walking down the eerily quiet corridors...

A Blancmange for the Digital Age

28 May 2012 at 11:21

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Nigel Binks, Head of R+D, burst into Sally Gulliver’s office. ‘We’re finished!’ he wailed. Then he threw himself on the floor, which he proceeded to beat with his fists while weeping uncontrollably. Sally Gulliver blinked a couple...

Who the hell are our customers, anyway?

28 May 2012 at 11:12

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The entire company was in the atrium. From my perch on Sally Gulliver’s window sill I could see them below, paragraphs of heads of hair, punctuated here and there by the full stop of a bald head. Mark Temple stood before them, armed only with two...

Why Have You Recruited This Deranged Fop?

25 April 2012 at 18:14

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‘What the hell have you done?’ Comms Director Gabriel Silk lounged languidly in the chair before Sally Gulliver’s desk. He shook his head in wry disbelief. ‘What d’you mean?’ ‘Why Have You Recruited This Deranged...

Leadership As Strong As Chilli Peppers

30 March 2012 at 11:27

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‘Okay, so I get what you tried to do before. Sounds quite interesting actually, maybe there’s still room for that. For now, though, we drastically need to redefine leadership in this organisation. As you clearly know…’ We were...

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