I need happy thoughts in these nasty times...

OK, I’ve had enough of the ‘C’ word! I want to smile again and not feel totally stressed out for just a few minutes. 

Tell me a joke...

I’ll start.

Q: Why do Sweden, Norway, and Denmark put bar codes on all their ships?

A: So they can scan-de-navy-in...

  • Points to ponder:
    Can a wine-taster be fired for drinking on duty?

    Can a singer be paid a flat rate?

    Can a clairvoyant be dismissed for being under the influence of spirits?

    If an employee with dark hair has their employment terminated, is that an automatically un-fair dismissal?

    If the leader of an orchestra waves their baton out of time, is that gross misconduct?

    If a Chartered Fellow is not a fellow, are they a non-fellow Chartered Fellow, or a Chartered non-fellow Fellow?

    O.k. Enough if this frivolity; I'm off back to the serious stuff to try and restore my now justifiably questionable reputation..... :-)

    Be safe.


  • A guy goes to a fancy dress party.

    The doorman asks, "What have you come as?"

    The guy replies, "I've come as a harp"

    The doorman looks him up and down and says, "No you haven't mate, you're far too small to be a harp"

    The guy says, "Are you calling me a Lyre?"
  • In reply to Peter:

    Peter, whilst you’re pondering can you tell me ...

    Why is ‘dyslexia’ so hard to spell?
    Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
    And who thought putting an ‘s’ in ‘lisp’ was a good idea?
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    20 Apr, 2020 10:18

    In reply to Jonny:

    This is far too clever for me, Jonny. I Googled 'psychosomatic', which rather sucked the humour from the 'moment'.
  • In reply to Teresa:

    I don't know about the other two, but dyslexia is hard to spell so that we all get it wrong.
  • In reply to Teresa:

    Dyslexia is hard to spell so that anyone unable to spell it knows how a dyslexic feels when confronted with "babble" ...or is it dabble... or dubble ....or bobble ...or....

    Abbreviation is long because its inventors didn't want anyone to feel they were being sold-"short".

    Lisp? Clearly someone not sinking.

  • In reply to Teresa:

    And why does the abbreviation for 'world wide web' have three times as many syllables as the phrase it's meant to be short for?
  • In reply to Owen:

    'Don't know, but you could probably look it up on the 'net.
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    24 Apr, 2020 09:42

    This is me...

  • In reply to Owen:

    What do you call a woman with one leg?

  • In reply to Owen:

    What do you call a woman with one leg?

  • In reply to Robey:

    I've just entered Robey's wurst kase joke at the top of this thread in a WhatsApp coffeebreak challenge for my organisation to find the best coronavirus joke. I've followed up with Steve's lockdown meals cartoon. I think I have a winning entry.

  • I've applied for a job as a sniper.

    I know it's a long shot...
  • I know you've probably all seen this but this twitter.com/.../1259566662791106569

    has absolutely made my day :D
  • In reply to Samantha:

    Here's one from You Tube my sister sent me: www.youtube.com/watch