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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • Hi Robey

    This thread is in the Quirky section of the Discussion Threads of Note. I think that's the closest thing the Discussion Forums has to a Hall of Fame.
  • In reply to Ray:

    Ray I once drove into my company car park and I was anxious as I had job interviews that morning and did n`t want to be late. There was only one space left and out of nowhere this man in this car drove aggressively into the space and I tooted. He got out of the car and started abusing me. I was gobsmacked that some stranger would do that in a company car park. He ran into the building. I finally found a space and parked went in and sat in the interview room and waited for my first candidate. The first candidate knocked on the door and then came in all smiles. Guess who it was.... Yes!! my man in the car park. Needless to say he did n`t get the job.
  • Looking at HR Admin applications a candidate on their online application had the email "sexytest**cles". My response - your experience does not match the criteria for the role. What I really wanted to say was "for gods sake, use a professional email address, how do you expect anyone to take you seriously. Turns out he was in a "Cabaret Group" at the weekend. Did a Mr Google to find out more. Gave us all a real laugh in the office.
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    23 Nov, 2018 16:54

    In reply to Catherine Haycock:

    TMI ;)
  • In reply to Caroline Veronica De Silva:

    Shock, horror Caroline!!! Personal bias? What were you thinking of?

    (Well done; I would have negated his candidacy and nullified his applicability as well. To say nothing of shredding his application and any other implied assets with a heavy object also).

    What goes around, comes around and sometimes (just sometimes), our power to decide who passes and who fails can legitimately align with out personal prejudices as well as our professional assessment.
  • In reply to Jon:

    Or not asking us for a reference!

    Thanks, Jon. It's to your credit that you're even taking the call.
  • In reply to Peter:

    Hi Peter, The job was for a HR Advisor and the principle criteria was great interpersonal skills with the ability to get on with people at all levels, diplomacy and tact, keeping calm under pressure, great relationship builder especially with people who rub you up the wrong way, keeping you head when everybody looses theirs and the most important one - behaving professionally at all times even in the face of strong provocation!!!
  • In reply to Caroline Veronica De Silva:

    I can only Laugh out Loud :-)
  • Love this.

    For me its the "I am taking this to the Unions" said with so much gusto and a sense of power.

    My inner response is - whatever, wow I am really quaking in my shoes.

    My actual reaction is a very sweet you are entitled to do this and please by all means exercise this right.
  • In reply to Bola:

    It's even funnier when you don't recognize a union!
  • In reply to Bola:

    Or "my solicitor will hear about this" - that's always a good one, like that's going to stop us! :)
  • In reply to Samantha:

    In reality it usually means "my mate/dad/sister who vaguely studied law at some point or something" but "my solicitor", of course, sounds that much more dramatic.
  • Employee when being told that their pay was lower this month due to Company sick pay ending: If I knew that I would have come back. I will be in tomorrow.

    Me: I'd suggest speak to your manager so they know you plan to return, visit your GP for a FIT note and let us know if you require any support on your return.

    What I wanted to say: You cheeky so and so, it's probably just a coincidence that you last returned from long-term sickness when your pay expired too isn't it?!
  • What a weak, verging on bullying manager said to me in a 'performance improvement prep meeting'
    "I'm sick and tired of going round in circles with this team member. I want HR in bed with me now on this one!"
    What I said, "I'm here to support you by ensuring that you fairly apply the performance improvement policy - I/HR are supporting you"
    What my face said "Eeeeeewwwwwww - no thanks!"
  • We have had an employee who won't talk to his team as he feels it's a stressful environment and his team don't like him. Needless to say we've offered mediation and help to get the issues out on the table. Employee refuses any support "it's not my problem it's a management and HR problem so you sort it!"