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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

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  • In reply to Nicola:

    My other half is an ex union rep who worked in an industry where they had massive power. Now he doesn't and he struggles to understand how the real world works. I've had to stop him asking for all sorts of crazy 'bonuses' and 'additional payments' and concentrate on negotiating on his wage only.
  • I've just received the details of our annual salary reviews and who will be getting what increase (or not) and I'm already preparing my responses and practicing putting the eye-rolling on hold.
  • What I would like to say - Your laziness and inability to fill in a simple form is now going to cost hours of mine and payrolls time to back date deductions, pay increases and paperwork not to mention the conversations with inevitably p****d off staff because you 'forgot' to tell us someone had stepped down and you'd 'promoted' another staff member for 4 MONTHS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. And now you also expect me to keep a straight face when you complain that staff feedback says that the recruitment process is unfair and you cherry pick people for promotions without advertising them?!

    What I do say - Ok we will sort it but please follow the process in future, it's there to protect you.

    *Bonus points for managers who do this and it turns out the person they 'promoted' is a family member
  • In reply to Claire:

    20 years in HR and I never thought this could even be possible.This is so wrong on so many levels and I can certainly understand your frustration. But if there were a specific policy, process flow and authorization matrix in place for promotions, it would deter this from happening. A promotion is normally based on/in line with the budgeted annual manpower planning, any proposal for promotion must be circulated on a form and submitted by line manager with a small justification to their request, checked by Finance (checks it's budgeted) and by HR (confirm it's within the manpower planning and check the last performance appraisal result) and finally signed off by company head. Also, promotions should be tentatively done at a certain time of the year after the performance appraisals are completed. With these in place, this should never happen.
  • In reply to Claire:

    This happens a lot at our place unfortunately, some managers are good and understand why we have a process and they will follow it, but others don't seem to bother and we get exactly what you describe.
  • We have a policy of giving feedback to candidates who are unsuccessful at interviews if they request it. Having recently gone through a number of interviews, I, as requested, provided feedback to one unsuccessful applicant, who when asked to do a presentation had effectively read a very dull script to us.

    Me:
    ..........We did feel that the presentation was perhaps an opportunity missed for you - we'd deliberately left the brief wide open to give candidates the opportunity to sell whatever product they wanted to us as a supplier, and demonstrate to us how they would interact with a new or prospective customer. Whilst we could see why you chose to present the topic that you did, we felt that it was a little forced in that you read your notes to us, and that instead of using the time to get to know the customer, you instead focused on the information that you wanted to get across..........

    Candidate:
    I'm a little puzzled at the feedback with regards to the presentation. I was under the impression I needed to make a case why a retailer would be a good avenue as a supplier, not that I needed to sell anything.If that had been clearer then of course I would have acted accordingly. If I had been told this when I started then I could have reacted immediately and professionally. I feel I have been denied an opportunity because of a Badly worded brief.

    What I wanted to say: 'You chose a topic that had nothing to do with the brief that you were given, which by the way was so broadly worded that you can have pretty much sold us air and it would have fitted. Your presentation style was so incredibly dull that the 10 minutes that you were allotted felt like 10 hours, and by the way not one other person found difficulty understanding the brief, or coming up with something at least relevant. Oh, and seeing at the feedback for the rest of the interview was along the same lines, I really don't think the presentation was the biggest problem, do you?'

    What I said: 'I'm sorry that you found the brief difficult. I am not aware of other candidates having the same difficulty, but we do appreciate the feedback as it allows us to ensure that our recruitment process remains fair for all in the future'.
  • In reply to Louise:

    "You're just *dull*. Had you considered a job in finance?" ;)
  • Can I just say a huge thank you to Robey for the creation of this post. It just so happened to appear on a day in July 2018 when I was seriously questioning my role in HR because I had just about had enough!! But this made me realise that we all struggle with infuriating employees and it didn't necessarily mean that I was bad at my job (after all, I never actually SAID the things I wanted to!) I still enjoy reading through all the things we would love to say if we could :-) So thanks again Robey!
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    13 Nov, 2019 12:20

    In reply to Robey:

    I've heard the expression, "the cold hands of HR and IT".

    How dare they lump us in with IT ;)

  • In reply to Lyndsey:

    I'll second that thanks, these notifications often pop up on tough days and it reminds me that we all have to deal with a whole lot of daft people and situations yet remain professional and calm as HR people !
  • In reply to Steve Bridger:

    There are those who think IT (AI) can do a better job of HR that the "H" bit can! "AIR" in future? now there's an acronym to have nightmares over!
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    13 Nov, 2019 18:56

    In reply to Jon:

    This 

    Jonathan White said:
    these notifications often pop up on tough days and it reminds me that we all have to deal with a whole lot of daft people and situations yet remain professional and calm as HR people !
  • In reply to Steve Bridger:

    Steve, no idea who Jonathan White is, but that was definitely what I said ! Lol.
    Jon Formby.
  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    14 Nov, 2019 15:32

    In reply to Jon:

    Sorry, Jon. Not sure how that got pulled through then. I'll investigate.
  • My answer in general could be: "We may not happy as well but we are doing our job that we agreed with the company to do it and we are here to feed our family!".
    From the other hand with more specification to our company I can recall the good things that employees are enjoying with in our company while many of other companies especially our competitors are not providing the same.