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Things you want to say to employees but can't because you're professional...

Partly as a bit of fun, but mostly as an opportunity to vent...

Employee: "So what's my motivation for getting up at 5am to be on site for 7am?"

What I wanted to say: "Keeping your f-ing job? The fact that we pay you a salary far in excess of what your meagre skillset, dubious intelligence and questionable competence deserves?"

What I actually said: "Your professional pride in the delivery of an excellent service that our clients appreciate."

  • "I'm only being pulled up for speeding because *Transport Manager* doesn't like me."

    Well no, you're being pulled up for speeding because you drive a HGV and your tracker report shows you speeding consistently. It's not that hard.


    "I don't need to do my safety checks because i've been here 15 years"

    Yea, tell that to the Police and the HSE when a wheel flies off while you're driving.


    ...and relax. It's been one of those days!
  • In reply to Nicola:

    I love that there's a safe place for us to rant like this :) makes you realise you're not alone
  • In reply to Nicola:

    Those driving issues remind me of the period during which I was group HRM for a distribution business (Premier Direct Plc). We had the highest density of FLT operations (most trucks operating in a given area) on Tyneside, after Nissan! We were constantly getting minor "shunts" of trucks damaging racking, and the drivers always had some excuse about the difficulties of operating and the poor loading of pallets unbalancing the truck... or whatever; none of which could be easily countered by managers who had no experience of driving one!

    ....So since I was also Safety Officer (my "second string" with a NEBOSH Qualification to prove it) ....and also being a mean and sneaky Peter (as you might all already know), I went off and surreptitiously did an FLT course....

    Next driver who gave a hearing the sad tale of how the racking jumped out and assaulted his truck was asked to follow me....

    Jumping on a free FLT I drove to the racking, ran the forks up to the top level (four units high) lifted out a fully laden pallet, dropped it to 9" off ground level, spun the truck and load on its axis and gently placed the pallet a close (but safe) distance from his toes.

    Then asked: "So at what point did your truck wobble and strike the upright?"

    The look on his face was priceless..... and our silly excuses for minor damage stopped practically overnight.

    (It also did my "street cred" with the warehouse team no harm at all)!


  • Steve Bridger

    | 0 Posts

    Community Manager

    20 Nov, 2019 20:08

    In reply to Samantha:

    Samantha said:
    I love that there's a safe place for us to rant like this :) makes you realise you're not alone

    This thread also has a ridiculous number of views. All 's fault.

  • In reply to Steve Bridger:


    (.....Keep it up, Robey) ;-)
  • AKA fraud in the world I live in. independent school by any chance?
  • In reply to Peter:

    Priceless Peter
  • In reply to Peter:

    Reminds me of a colleague of mine who used to work for a bus company. She was constantly getting the 'little lady who doesn't understand the role' ... so she went off and did her Bus Driving training, passed the test, and then could "talk their language".
  • In reply to Owen:

    I don't think i'll be getting my HGV licence any time soon...although the look on some of our drivers faces would be pretty amusing!
  • In reply to Nicola:

    Go for it....
  • In reply to Peter:

    My conversation to share, in order to vent...

    Employee (on 40% absence rate and underperforming too): Can I use sick leave to attend a speed awareness course?
    Me: Holiday or discretionary unpaid leave would be the appropriate category of leave to use for this situation.

    What I wanted to say: Are you actually kidding me?! (that's the polite version)...
  • In reply to Robert James Munro:

    Sadly, even management level staff seem to not know that. In a recent meeting, a manager asked me "what will you do if one of my employees under performs?".
  • In reply to Daniella:

    Given the thread title, Daniella, we now need to hear (a) what you wanted to say in reply and (b) what you *actually* said.
  • In reply to Robey:

    "Find them guilty of gross underperformance, fully mitigated by it being in adherence to their manager's example" in answer to both questions perhaps?
  • In reply to Daniella:

    I actually had an email asking this very question from a manager this morning.
    I said lets discuss a plan of action for YOU to take. What I wanted to say is not repeatable in polite company, particularly given that the employee has been a problem since before I joined the company!